Resolving Grief: A Case Study

F had had a bereavement overload (Neimeyer & Holland, 2009) over the previous two years. His wife’s dad died in October 2019, his mum died two weeks later, she had been ill for quite some time, her death was anticipated. His Uncle on his dad’s side died in October 2020 which was anticipated. In the following May 2021, his dad went into hospital for minor leg surgery and died the following day of heart complications. Although his dad had had health issues for quite some time his death was sudden and unexpected, and he was struggling to accept the reality of the death. He experienced feelings of disbelief, guilt and self-reproach, sadness, and yearning. He had a lack of energy and was distracted and absentminded. He was also suffering from sleep disturbances.

He felt guilty that he was not there physically with his mum or dad, who lived in the North of Spain, in their final days as he lives and works in the South of Spain. He is also unsure if he did enough for them in general as he feels that his parents made many sacrifices in life to give their children the best possible education and were rarely demonstrative or openly affectionate. This has impacted on his self-concept and his conditions of worth are that he is lazy and has not achieved what was expected of him in life, although this was never verbalised explicitly by his parents.

I integrated Egan’s skilled helper model (2014) and Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning (2018), and Positive Psychology (Bonanno, 2009; Calhoun et al., 2010.) Egan’s helping model tasks are focussed like Worden’s, both being active, circular not linear and flexible in meeting client’s needs.  Egan’s Three stage model, 1. What’s going on? 2. What do I need or want? 3. How do I get what I need or want? Underpinning the stages is an emphasis on action. It does not overly rely on theory but draws on Rogerian (Rogers, 1980) person-centred values and principles of Respect, Genuineness and Empathy which suffuse the communication skills that drive the model, taking the position that humans are open, ever-changing and developing systems.

Through active listening and displaying Roger’s (1980) Core conditions, F explored his story deeply without feeling judged. Challenging his Frames of Reference and blind spots with a focus on his positive strengths (Bonanno, 2009; Calhoun et al., 2010; Folkman, 2008; Moskowitz, Folkman, & Acree, 2003)., as opposed to his weaknesses helped him gain new perspectives and realise for himself his unused and unrecognised resources. Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi (2000) state that the goal of positive psychology is to spark a transformation in the focus of psychology from a fixation on repairing the most negative things in life to acknowledging already existing positive qualities and building new ones.

Being aware of the feelings, physical sensations, cognitions, and behaviours associated with bereavement (Worden, 2108) and the tasks of this model, it enabled me to impart this knowledge during the sessions through use of self, combining my knowledge and values, with aspects of my personality traits, belief system and personal experiences which facilitates us to be genuine and authentic (Dewane, 2006).  He expressed how valuable that had been for him.

He conveyed that the focus on challenging his strengths had had a positive impact on his self-esteem, focussing on strengths rather than problems offers control, a new mindset, improved resilience, builds self-esteem, encouraging connection to a person’s social support system to spur on his or her own transformation.

F’s sleep improved significantly, his feelings of guilt subsided, and he took positive steps to honour his parents in a meaningful way, feeling that he was moving forward positively.

The process, thoughts, and feelings will often feel awful, but by grieving openly without limitations, it is possible to learn to move forwards without a loved one (Morris, 2018).

Grief is as unique as our lives. Let me support you in this process by booking your no obligation, free consultation in English, Malaga and worldwide today.